Spice Up Your Sex Life

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Experimenting is a favorite sexual pastime for Dave and I. It's one thing I recommend to everyone. Having a connection with your sexual self helps give you more confidence overall and learning about the things you enjoy makes it all the more pleasurable. If you have a family and are constantly go-go-go, finding time to set aside for sex is almost impossible. All day you had been running around. You find yourself in bed, 11pm, pajamas on, messy hair, lying next to your spouse, realizing you haven't had sex in 5-7 days, yet you're beat and instead of initiating sex, you roll over and fall asleep. 

No matter how tired you are. In the moment, sex will raise your energy levels. It's just a matter of getting to the starting line. An aid to fixing it? Variety!

Add Toys

Dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, paddles, butt plugs, cock rings.. the list is endless. Invest in a decent sex toy. If you prefer soft and passionate sex, a simple vibrator will do the trick. Most women get off by clitoral stimulation than they do anything else. The area is extremely sensitive with about 8,000 nerve endings. Foreplay is extremely important - especially for ladies. It's not just about intercourse. Sex is about bonds. It's about touching. Feeling. Playing. Feeling amazing. Skipping foreplay is like skipping a crucial part in a novel. You can also use the vibrator to figure out what you like so you can communicate that with your partner. If you’re into harder or BDSM sex, spank paddles are great to add a little kink to the bedroom. (If you are interested in BDSM, make sure you do your research! 50 Shades is not representative of the community). Go to your local sex shop and they can help pick out the perfect toy for you. 

Power of Positions

Routine can work for almost everything except sex. It’s such an intense bond that it shouldn’t be limited. Explore, move your body, learn what works for you both, find the position that edges you into an orgasm. It might feel awkward at first but remember: that’s normal. Once you get comfortable with it, you’ll be a pro and it’ll help you feel like the sex goddess you are. Have you legs up on his shoulders while you are on your back, do it doggy style, try anal (ease into it!), have him sit on the couch with you on top either facing him or not. There are so many different options, you can even make your own in the heat of the moment. Whatever feels good, works. Even if you might feel silly doing it. Check out some kamasutra positions

Feel Sexy

One word: lingerie. There’s something so simply pleasurable about lace and sheer stockings. Tight and revealing. It’s such a desirable tease that makes your partner explode just looking at you and makes you feel breathtaking. Even a regular bra and thong with stockings will turn your partner on. Add some heels. If you want to get even crazier, dress-up in costume. Find a sexy nurse outfit or a sexy house-maid or the naughty secretary. Create an entire scene. The mind is an amazing place full of creation. Role-playing is a great way to tap into it and turn your sex life into a work of art. 

Light It Up

Dave and I went to Home Depot for light bulbs and some other home fixtures one time. While we were there, we came across a red light bulb and thought: Ding! This would be perfect for us. Later that night, we popped it into our lamp in our bedroom and turned it into the red light district. The red was such a sensual color and the glow radiated off of us. It added such an element that normal lights just can't compete with. Personally, I can’t have sex with lights off but bright lights don’t feel that sexy either. Invest in a dimmer or turn on some string lights to make it more romantic. 

Different Places

Having sex in the bedroom is comfortable. But in order to spice up the sex, you need to get a little uncomfortable. Move it into the kitchen. Start fooling around on the couch while you two watch a movie or a TV show. If either of you offer to move it into the bedroom, ignore it. If you have kids, take a shower together or utilize your bathroom floor. Or find a babysitter for a night. Go out on a date, come home, and have sex in the car. In a parking lot. For some, it’s a turn on to have the feeling of being caught. The bedroom seems so safe and so familiar. Chances are, it won’t turn you on. Get out of your element. 

Text Messages

Without love, I highly doubt our sex would be as enjoyable as it is. We still ravish each other constantly like we did in the beginning of our relationship but each time it gets better and better. We take care of each other during sex because we take care of each other outside of sex. It doesn’t have to go into depth but sending a simple: “I love you, enjoy your day” text message or e-mail is enough to transform anyone’s mood. Taking the time to remind someone you’re thinking about them will surprisingly go a long way in the bedroom. It keeps the sparks alive. To spice it up even more? Send some erotic messages describing every little detail of what you’d like to do to your partner when they get home. It'll surprise them and make them eager to get home to please you!

How do you spice your sex life up? Toys? A quickie? A strip tease?

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Shayna Shattelroe

25 years old. Mama to Maddox. Word weaver. Lover of love. Coffee addict. Psychological science student. 

A woman of curious nature, my name is Shayna. I am wild & reserved. Humbled & proud. Quiet & clamorous. Strange & familiar. I live in the trees of New England typing away as lifestyle blogger. You can always find me with a coffee cup in one hand and a book in the other.

Blogging since 2005, I’ve had an innumerable amount of blogs on a vast number of platforms. Finally, I’ve found one to call home: The Lovely Cicada. This blog is a piece of myself I extend to you.