To my Maddox,
I am anxiously counting down your arrival. In the mean time, I’m enjoying the feeling of you wiggling and playing and growing inside me. When your father feels you move, he gasps and giggles – it’s the sweetest thing.
I am giving you life and you are giving me life. Even though I don’t know you yet and you have not even taken your first breath, I feel as though I’ve known you forever. I’m so vastly in love with you and I know once you’re here that love will expand much farther than I could ever have imagined. I am so looking forward to seeing you smile and hearing you laugh.
Once you enter this world, I will protect you with everything in my power although I know I will not be able to protect you from everything. The world is often cruel. At times, you may find it easier to see the negative in the world rather than the positive. But a dark world just needs someone to turn on the light. And sometimes – we have to make our own light. That light is you. Things will not always be perfect. Things will not always go your way. More often than not, they will go in a completely opposite direction than you had envisioned. This is okay. Embrace it, accept it, you’ll get through it. Your toys will break, you will lose friendships, you will have a bad haircut, you will lose loved ones to death, you will have your heart broken and you will break hearts in return, even if unintentional. This is the world and it is okay.
With all of this, the world is beautiful. I will ensure, to the best of my ability, that you have a childhood full of laughter, learning, and fun. I will teach you everything I know about the world and I will let you teach me the things you know. There is an array of wonders to see and amazing people to come across, each with their own story. Remember, you hold the power to create your own life. You can shape and mold it however you please and just know, I will be here with you on your journey. I will be your biggest supporter. I will give you the ambition you need in order to turn your dreams into a reality.
Every year, I will let go a little. As much as it will break my heart, I know you cannot stay my baby boy forever (even though I’ll want you to). Yet I know I can trust in the man your father and I will have raised you to be. You do not belong to us. You will grow to have your own life. This is what I am preparing you for. I will teach you what you need to become a smart, thoughtful, positive, strong willed, respectful, determined and spiritual man.
I know you will respect women as much as you respect me. You will understand consent and the word no. You will not be so easily influenced by those who mean to do you harm and those who do not have your best intentions at heart. I understand you will experience and try new things. Some I will approve of, some I will not. I will do what I can to keep you safe and smart in your decisions.
I vow to love you unconditionally. I will be honest with you about the things that surround you as you start to inquire more and more about life. I will be just as honest with you when I don’t have the answer. As much as I wish I did, I do not know everything. The world is vast, full of opinions as well as fact. You will formulate your own opinions but you will honor and respect facts. You will know the difference between both.
I will be here for you no matter your path or what you endure along the way. You will not always enjoy what I have to tell you but I tell you with your best intentions in my heart. Yet I understand that sometimes my best intentions may not be the best for you. I will learn as you grow into your own person.
I will fail at times, more often than not. I will get annoyed because a plate smashed on the floor. I will be irritated by paint stains on the carpet. I will ask you to turn your music down when I have a headache. I will judge your girlfriend or boyfriend because I do not think anyone good enough for you. But I want you to know that I am a safe place. I want you to know you can come to me when all else fails, even when I fail. I want you to know that I am your mother and I always will be. I do not know who you are yet or who you will be. All I know is you are my son and I’ll cherish you forever.
The sun can run out of fire and still, I will love you.
Love always and infinitely,